i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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