Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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