dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
