operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
