so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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