my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
tell your sister to shave her snatch
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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