woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
