You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
