I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
