Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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