I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
