is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize