i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
