don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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