I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
