You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
