U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
