she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize