I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
