so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
