the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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