Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
