I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
