i think my tv is drunk
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
