I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize