I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
