I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
