Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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