I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
