No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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