ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
