I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I just gift wrapped bread.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
