hotel room ftw
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
