You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
