Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
