Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
