Only a mothe r could love this liver
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
she pinky promised me she was 18
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize