My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
