I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
