i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
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