i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
