the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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