Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize