I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Randomize
