I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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