They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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