girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize