i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
