five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize