I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
