I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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