I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Randomize
