We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
