do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
