What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
