What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
