Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
