first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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