no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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