i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
4 words: hood of his car
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
