I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
