the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
