you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
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Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
