He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Houston, we have a blender
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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