How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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