do herpes really smell.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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