Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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