i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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